Jul 28 , 2021
While I am sure you won't trade your role as a mom for anything in the world, welcoming a baby into this world is an incredibly large adjustment. It can double your to-do list the moment a baby pops out. And naturally, when you are unable to cross those things off of your list, the guilt begins to settle in.
The sources of this guilt are numerous and are extremely time and energy-consuming. But give yourself a break! Remind yourself that these feelings are normal, and all new parents experience what you are feeling from time to time. However, if your mom's guilt is becoming extremely overpowering and you are struggling to stay calm and composed, here are a few strategies that may help.
- Assist yourself
If you have ever been on a flight, you will notice how they advise you to secure your oxygen mask first before helping your kid with theirs. After all, if you are unable to breathe, how can you possibly help someone else?
Use that exact same logic here. It is understandable to try and be there for your kid all the time. But realize that just because you are a mom now does not mean you have stopped being a human being. Care for yourself enough that it makes you capable of caring for your child in the most optimum way possible. Get a manicure, or spend time with your friends. Remember, loving yourself is the best way to love your children. This will recharge you for any and every tantrum your kid decides to throw towards you.
- Handle separation with positivity
Being a mom, you might have experienced some sort of maternal separation anxiety with your child. To deal with that, try to stay calm when leaving your little one. Babies are very quick on picking up their mom's queues and moods. Thus, if they see you upset, chances are they will also get upset, which will, in turn, make you even more upset. That being said, there may be some tears once you get in your car, but till that time, try to keep it together for your child's sake.
With some time and practice, this will lessen the guilt you feel when leaving your child. Your child may get more used to you going for a certain period making it easier for you to leave.
- Don't forget your other relationships
Being a new mom, you may unknowingly sideline your other relationships, such as your parents, friends, or even partner. All these relationships may take a back seat as you try to care for your little one. They may not complain about it as they understand, but spending time with people other than your baby helps you maintain a strong emotional connection that will help you become more emotionally stable. Plus, your child will also learn to value relationships this way as you will lead by example.
Learn to take care of yourself and let go of the unnecessary guilt you feel. You need to believe in yourself in order to do the job right!
Dr. Sharon Fried Buchalter Ph.D., is a distinguished clinical psychologist, life coach, and public speaker who has worked as a Marriage and Family Therapist and clinical social worker. She received the highest accreditation as a board-certified diplomate-fellow in advanced child and adolescent psychology. She has spent her lifetime educating, enlightening and empowering parents and children of all ages.
She has developed revolutionary tools to help couples, parents, and families achieve happiness and success. Her first book Children Are People Too, provides eight essential steps designed to strengthen families and empower parents to be their own child's life coach and mentor. Her second book New Parents Are People Too, provides relationship advice for couples entering parenthood for the first time.
She is also the founder and owner of Products On The Go and Little Toes.